I started a personal project this year. I decided to learn and practice drawing. In order to do so I force myself to make a drawing every single day. You can see my trials at my fan page on Facebook: UM POR DIA.
Yesterday I tried to let the pencil go. It is a bit frustrating when you have the white paper in front of you and your mind is as white as that. I put some piano music and let my mind go. I came up with the “abstract” drawing above. I really did not make any meaning of that. It is nothing I would consciously like to express. It is just what it is. What came up according to the music stimulation. But I know that people will try to make sense of it. It is part of what we are. We need to make sense of everything to feel comfortable.
And it makes me wonder…
I have been trying hard to make sense out of nothing. I really would like to become nothing as the Buddhist philosophy says. But I am always caught in this trap of “what if I get it?” Being nothing is like dying, isn’t it? Are we prepared to die? Are we ready to become something else? It is not that I am afraid of it (at least that is what I tell myself). It is just that I really am not able to figure that out.
This week I saw a meme questioning about the difference between living and existing. I know of a quote by Oscar Wilde on the same subject.
And that also made me wonder…
When am I existing and when am I living? (Funny, what just happened: I just listened to “to be a rock and not to roll” from the song Stairway to Heaven that is playing while I am writing this. It sounds somehow like an answer, right?). Well, I kind of lost my stream of thought after that. So let’s “roll” that “rock”: Were rocks made to roll or to stay where they fall? Are you living or existing when in meditation? Of course I don’t have the answers (yet, hopefully). Maybe you have something to say about that. Maybe not. Life seems to be made of maybes.